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    Carolyn - Advocacy & Communications Specialist


    Jessie - Sexual Assault Advocate
  • Contributing Authors

Changing the Culture: How Do We Prevent Dating Violence and Sexual Assault?

HLogo 302x270ow do we prevent dating violence and sexual assault?

While there is no easy, one-size-fits-all answer to this question, Tri-Valley Haven offers a dedicated Prevention Education Program for teens. We hope that by educating local youth about dating violence prevention, we can prevent domestic violence in future generations.

As the lead Preventionist, I visit local schools with a dedicated team of volunteers to educate teens about healthy relationships, dating abuse and bullying prevention, and bystander intervention  year-round. We offer classroom presentations, lunchtime school events,  parent workshops and staff training through the program.

In our classroom presentations, we help students focus on healthy relationships, personal boundaries, assertive communication and safe and effective bystander intervention strategies. We approach all of these topics in age-appropriate way and tailor each presentation to fit the school because know each school community is unique.

How can you support our prevention efforts?

  • Request a presentation. If you work with a group of teens, consider scheduling a presentation for your club, after-school program, religious youth group or community group! Contact our Preventionists at (925) 667-2727 or visit www.trivalleyhaven.org
  • Donate to our Prevention Education Program. We currently provide presentations to local Tri-Valley area high schools and Livermore middle schools. Next year we hope to expand our program to include all Tri-Valley area middle schools. You can make this possible by donating to our prevention efforts.
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Tri-Valley Haven’s heart pledges at Dublin High School last year.


3a92488In addition to providing advocacy for survivors of sexual assault, Jessie is the lead Preventionist for our Prevention Education Program at Tri-Valley Haven. Learn more about our teen presentations our Teen page on our website.

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A Greater Community – The National Sexual Assault Conference from One Advocate’s Perspective

All over the United States, there are people hard at work to end sexual assault and rape. We work full-time or part-time. Sometimes we volunteer. We go to hospitals to be with survivors at midnight after an assault. We are there beside victims as they talk to the police. We are the counselors and group leaders who support trauma survivors as they recall grueling memories. We are the educators who work with teens and the schools to stop rape and harassment on campus. We advocate to local, state, and federal government officials to make our society more just. We visit jails and prisons when someone is victimized while incarcerated. We hear heartbreak. We see tears, courage, and strength.

We listen. We believe. We are there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

All over the United States, there are people working to end sexual violence. And once a year the people who support sexual assault victims get the chance to come together in one place. We learn and exchange wisdom and ideas; we support each other. We challenge one another to reach further, create change sooner, and spread sexual assault awareness wider.

NSAC GroupThis once-a-year event is at the National Sexual Assault Conference (NSAC).

This year, it was hosted by the California Coalition Against Sexual Assault (CALCASA) in Los Angeles, California. I and a couple coworkers from Tri-Valley Haven’s Rape Crisis Center were fortunate enough to be able to attend the event. The theme was “Inspired by Progress, United by Purpose.”

We were definitely both.

I am sure that anyone who attended the conference would have many stories to tell about what they learned. I am only one person, so I will just talk about what I experienced. And what I experienced was… WOW!

I met the most amazing people at the conference…and amazing barely covers it. Participants included survivors who have become teachers and healers in the NSAC Plenarymovement; people who have been fighting the anti-sexual violence fight for their entire professional lives, and people who have just begun; people who work with survivors individually and people who carry on the anti-rape movement to the White House itself. There were young people, lighting the sky on fire with their passion and their vision, and older people who have contributed to decades of change and know there are still mountains to overcome.

The most wonderful part, for me, of going to the conference was that it embodies the same affirmation that means so much to survivors of violence themselves: You are not alone. For those of us working in the Rape Crisis Movement across the country, our world can seem very small sometimes. We work in cities or suburbs or rural communities. We know everybody in the field near us and rely on them for connection and support. To step into a greater fellowship of human beings all working together to make the world a better, safer, and more just place is just plain moving; humbling.

We had a number of topics this year: building safer college and campus communities, fighting back against rape culture, educating our young men and women to bring change now that will echo for years to come.

Another spotlight was put on ending sexual violence in the military. A recent study shows that sexual violence in the military is far higher than previously reported (new data released by the U.S. Defense Department). Collaborations between rape crisis experts and the military to address sexual violence are so very important. Our soldiers in active service and our veterans both deserve better.

NSAC Forge BoothOther topics included serving survivors of sexual assault in detention, working with male survivors and LGBTQ survivors, preventing child sexual abuse, and much more.

At the conference, I concentrated on the Prison Rape Elimination Act “PREA track”. This training dealt with stopping rape and sexual assault in detention – for example, jail or prison, juvenile detention or an immigration facility.

I have spent the past two years working as a Tri-Valley Haven Sexual Assault Advocate and Crisis Counselor, responding to our local county jail when an inmate calls and requests support after an assault. I am glad to say that the jail staff has been universally welcoming to me, good partners with the Haven, and committed to making their jail safer. Even so, responding to the jail carries with it an emotional weight. I felt that I had already heard some arduous stories. With that being said, the stories I heard from survivors at NSAC stayed with me at night.

Sometimes, society seems to think that anything that happens to a person who is behind the walls of a jail or prison is deserved – they broke the law; they’re getting what is coming to them. Here is a truth: Rape is never part of the sentence. Allowing rape to happen to the people we put in detention, turning a blind eye to it, condoning it in society through jokes…does not make our country safer, quite the opposite. It adds trauma on top of trauma, and ultimately makes us all lesser.

PREA SLIDE 2Roxane Gay summarizes what many people feel about victims of sexual assault in her piece, Bad Victims. “People who have been sexually assaulted know there are good victims and bad victims. Good victims, of course, do not exist but they are an elaborate ideal. They are assaulted in a dark alley by an unknown criminal who has a knife or a gun. They are modestly dressed. They report their assault immediately to law enforcement and submit, willingly, to a rape exam. They answer all questions about their assault lucidly and completely as many times as is necessary. They are adequately prepared for trial. They don’t pester the prosecutor as he or she prepares for trial. When they testify, they are modestly dressed. They are the girl next door. They deserve justice because they are so righteous in their victimhood.”

“Good victims” are never prostitutes. They are never men. They are never gay or transgender. They are never drug addicts. They are never mentally ill. Those are allNSAC PREA slide “bad victims.” The worst victim of them all? Someone who is already in detention.

But when it comes right down to it, we are all human beings with flaws and mistakes and dark sides. None of us is perfect. None of us is a “perfect victim.” And nobody, NOBODY, deserves to be raped or sexually assaulted. Not even someone in prison.

It was good to meet other people who believe that.

It was inspiring to be at the conference with many people who are passionate about this intersection between the world of detention and the world of advocacy. It was also inspiring to see how many of us were at different levels of this journey, from the pioneers, to those who have gotten their toes wet for a few years but are still just beginning, to the people who wish to help and to learn how to do so… and whose journey is about to unfold.

The takeaway for me was that there is no such thing as a perfect survivor of rape. All human beings deserve to live in a world where there is zero tolerance for sexual assault – out on the street, or in a jail or a prison or in an I.C.E. (immigration holding facility). What we do as advocates is to connect with the strength and humanity of every survivor. We remind them of their own assets. We validate that they did not deserve what has been done to them. This is a fact, regardless if we spoke to a victim at our office, in our shelter, at a hospital… or from behind bars.

CALCASA’s National Sexual Assault Conference reminded me that there is a greater community of people working to end sexual assault; my work going into the jail to support survivors reminds me that there is an even greater community than that…the community of humanity itself.

Together, we build a world without violence.

At The Haven: Support Groups 101

Support Group PhotoIf you are a survivor, you may have considered joining a support group to connect with other survivors and share your experiences. Tri-Valley Haven (TVH) offers support groups for survivors of domestic violence or sexual assault.

If you’ve never attended a support group before, here is some general information about what we offer!

What is a support group?
Support groups provide a safe space for survivors of domestic violence or sexual assault to share their experiences and connect with each other. Tri-Valley Haven’s support groups usually run 8 weeks and they are closed groups, meaning participants must sign up for the group in advance.

New participants are only accepted at the start of each support group. We do not accept for drop-ins.

What are the benefits of a support group?
Many survivors feel they are alone, so support groups give survivors an opportunity to connect with others who have also experienced domestic violence or sexual assault. Often survivors are relieved to have a safe, confidential space where they can talk about the abuse or assault.

Our support groups also aim to support survivors as they begin the healing process and give them tools to help them along the way. We also focus on helping participants to develop healthy coping skills and practice self-care.

Who facilitates a support group?
Our support groups are facilitated by therapists or crisis counselors who have received special training to work with survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault through Tri-Valley Haven.

How do I sign up for a support group at Tri-Valley Haven?
All participants must call Tri-Valley Haven and sign up in advance. After participants sign up, the facilitator will give participants more details about the group, including the location of group meetings.

Domestic Violence Support Group in Pleasanton
Start date: Friday, July 17, 2015 (1 – 2:30 pm)
Sign up: Call Liz at 925.449.5845 ext. 2718
Participants must call ahead. No drop-ins.

Sexual Assault Support Group in Livermore
Start date: Wednesday, July 22, 2015 (5:30 – 7 pm)
Sign up: Call Jessie at 925.449.5845 ext. 2727
Participants must call ahead. No drop-ins.

I am a loved one of a survivor. Can I attend a support group at Tri-Valley Haven?
Currently we only offer support groups for survivors of domestic violence or sexual assault. However both survivors and loved ones may receive individual counseling at Tri-Valley Haven.

Do you offer support groups for LGBTQ survivors?
Our support groups are open to LGBTQ survivors, though currently we do not offer separate support groups for only LGBTQ survivors. If there is enough interest, we may offer one in the future!

Do you offer support groups for men?
Currently we do not offer an all-men support group. We hope to offer specific groups for male survivors in the future. If you are a male survivor and would be interested in an all-men support group, please let our counseling department know!

How can I join a support group or find out more?
If you would like more information or are interested in one of our support groups, please visit our website www.trivalleyhaven.org or call:

Tri-Valley Haven Community Building: 925.449.5845
Domestic Violence Support Group: Liz @ 925.449.5845 ext. 2718
Sexual Assault Support Group: Jessie @ 925.449.5845 ext 2727


logoIf you or a loved one is survivor of domestic violence or sexual assault, Tri-Valley Haven can help. We offer individual counseling, support groups, advocacy, shelter services and a 24-hour crisis line at 800.884.8119. We are a nonprofit organization that relies on the availability of grants and the generosity of our donors to fund our life-saving programs.

To learn more about our live-saving services and how you can help us keep our doors open, visit www.trivalleyhaven.org!

Why Will You Rise? Valentine’s Day! One Billion Rising 2015… flashmobs, catchy songs… and a very serious message

1br_rev_landscape_stack_w.date_whiteOne Billion Rising is the biggest mass action to end violence against women in human history.  The campaign, launched on Valentine’s Day 2012, began as a call to action based on the staggering statistic that 1 in 3 women on the planet will be beaten or raped during her lifetime. With the world population at 7 billion, this adds up to more than ONE BILLION WOMEN AND GIRLS.

 

 

On 14 February 2013, people across the world came together to express their outrage, strike, dance, and RISE in defiance of the injustices women suffer, demanding an end at last to violence against women.

823490_588096431218669_772961687_oIn 2013, Tri-Valley Haven was among the multitudes of individuals and organizations rising up to demand that these857261_588096311218681_434111015_o issues be looked at unflinchingly and changes made globally. 

Last year, on 14 February 2014, One Billion Rising for Justice focused on the issue of justice for all survivors of gender violence, and highlighted the impunity that lives at the intersection of poverty, racism, war, the plunder of the environment, capitalism, imperialism, and patriarchy. Events took place in 200 countries, where women, men, and youth came together to Rise, Release, and Dance outside of court houses, police stations, government offices, school administration buildings, work places, sites of environmental injustice, military courts, embassies, places of worship, homes, or simply public gathering places where women deserve to feel safe but too often do not. The campaign was covered widely by media in all corners of world including The New York Times, The Guardian, NPR, and many more.

One Billion Rising 2014 - Group 002Again, Tri-Valley Haven was a participant, sharing the reasons all of us as staff and volunteers stood by this cause and helping to spread the message.

This year in 2015, One Billion Rising is rising for Revolution and again, Tri-Valley Haven rises too. We invite you to join us as we gather for a flash mob in downtown Livermore!  For more information on the flash mob, come check out our Event Page on Facebook, and if you want to join us we even have links to HOW TO DO THE DANCE and we have PUBLIC DANCE PRACTICES THIS WEEK AT OUR COMMUNITY BUILDING!  (Tuesday at 3 PM and Thursday at 4 PM at our Community Building at 3663 Pacific Avenue in Livermore.)

We had a great time in 2013 and we can’t wait to Strike, Dance, Rise again.  Be there.  Be the change you want to see in the world.

(And dance, dance, dance…!)

Tri-Valley Haven’s Highlights of 2014

Without your generosity, we could not continue to provide vital shelter and support services to women, children and families in need throughout the Tri-Valley area. Every successful program and event at Tri-Valley Haven is made possible thanks to our local community. We are so very grateful for your support.

Before we jump into the New Year, let’s look at some highlights of 2014!

  • 2,600+ calls received on Tri-Valley Haven’s crisis line! That’s almost 10 calls every day, from women, children and families in need.
  • 267 clients served at our Domestic Violence Shelter! With 30 beds, Tri-Valley Haven’s Shiloh Domestic Violence Shelter houses and supports women and their children who are survivors of domestic violence.
  • 245 clients served through our Rape Crisis Center! Survivors of sexual assault receive advocacy and crisis counseling from state-certified advocates through our Rape Crisis Center.
  • 96 clients served at our Homeless Shelter! Sojourner House is the only homeless shelter in the Tri-Valley Area that accepts two-parent families, single fathers with children, and families with teenage boys.
  • 249 clients received counseling at Tri-Valley Haven! Tri-Valley Haven offers counseling and support group services to empower and support survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault.
  • Almost 30,000 visits to our Food Pantry! Each month, the Tri-Valley Haven Food Pantry distributes free groceries to more than 4,000 low-income Tri-Valley residents.
  • 70+ volunteers trained during this year! No only did we train over 30 new volunteers as crisis line and sexual assault advocates, we also trained volunteers for our food pantry, thrift store and childcare services.
  • 40+ incarcerated survivors served by our Rape Crisis Center! Now incarcerated survivors at Santa Rita Jail and FCI-Dublin are able to contact our 24-hour toll-free crisis line and request advocacy services through our agency.
  • 150+ walkers/runners participated in our annual Pace for Pace event! In the past, Pace for Peace has been a smaller event (averaging about 30 participants a year), so we were floored when over 150 participants signed up to show their support for Tri-Valley Haven.
  • $2,000 raised for Tri-Valley Haven during #GivingTuesday! On December 2nd, our Tri-Valley community joined the new tradition of generosity after Thanksgiving and Black Friday. This was TVH’s first year participating and we received $2,000 in donations!
  • 4,036 individual family members signed up for our annual Holiday Program! With your support, we were able to provide food and gifts to over 900 local families in need this holiday season. Our Tri-Valley community went above and beyond this holiday season.
  • 1 incredibly moving experience at a middle school!  After one of our presentations on healthy relationships and bullying prevention at a local middle school in Livermore, a 12-year-old told our staff that no one had ever talked to them about ways to stay safe and prevent bullying. To thank TVH, the student gave the Preventionist .30¢ as a “a tip.”

With your help, we’ll raise funds to bring hope, healing and safety for women, children and families recovering from domestic violence, sexual assault and homelessness in 2015.

Make your 2014 tax-deductible donation by midnight to help Tri-Valley Haven to meet our fundraising goals this year, to enable our services to continue forward next year.

Together we can build a world without violence!

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Art for Healing – All This Month at the Livermore Public Library

My Two Roads

My Two Roads – Acrylic on Cold Press Watercolor Paper

There are times in all our lives, where we reach a turning point. 

These turning points can come in moment of great joy, but often they come at darker times – times of stress, confusion, pain or grief.  The women who come to our domestic violence shelter are all facing uncertainties and fears, and the memories of past trauma.  During these times, talking about experiences, hopes and dreams can be healing.  But sometimes, speaking the words can be stressful in and of itself.

What do you do, when words are not enough?  Or too much?AWBW quotations

Tri-Valley Haven has an Art for Healing program at our domestic violence shelter.  Every Wednesday evening, the women in residence gather together for an hour of art, music, and healing.  The projects we do can vary from classical art techniques like watercolor, to mixed media like collage, and to the more light-hearted like using Shrinky Dinks (did you do those as a child?), beads, clay and other creative outlets.

During the whole month of December, over 80 pieces of artwork created in this program are on display at the Livermore Public Library, at 1188 South Livermore Avenue, just off the cafe.  If you are in the area, we urge you to take the time to drop by and see these in person (and I can assure you that the coffee at the cafe is really good – we had some while we were setting up!).  In addition to the artwork, there is more information about our programs and about the art projects themselves.  I think you will be moved by what you see.

If you live farther away, I want to share with you a few pieces of work from the exhibit, and also to share with you some quotes by women who participated in our program.

If you would like to help support this program, donations of new art supplies are greatly appreciated and very useful.  Please call (925) 449-5845 if you’d be interested in helping to keep the program going.  You would be changing lives for the better.

A Source of Strength and Courage - Collage and mixed media.

A Source of Strength and Courage – Collage and mixed media.

A New Life - Body Paint

A New Life – Body Paint

A Candle Against the Dark - Oil Pastel on Cold Press Paper

A Candle Against the Dark – Oil Pastel on Cold Press Paper

The Tree of my Grandchildren - Watercolor on Cold Press

The Tree of my Grandchildren – Watercolor on Cold Press

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul. - Inside/Outside mask, mixed media

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul. – Inside/Outside mask, mixed media

Thank You For Making A Difference!

GT_2014Web-Banner_250x250_Red-150x150Thank you for supporting Tri-Valley Haven on #GivingTuesday, December 2, 2014! Your donations benefit our clients who are healing from domestic violence, sexual assault, homelessness and hunger. Together our community raised almost $2,000!

We are so grateful to have the support of a compassionate, generous community. It’s beautiful to see so many people take a stand against domestic violence, sexual assault and poverty. Your generosity impacts each and every client we serve, ensuring they have a safe place at Tri-Valley Haven when they have nowhere else safe to go.

After the kindness shown this week, imagine if every day was #GivingTuesday in our community. Imagine how much more peaceful our community would be if we dedicated ourselves to taking a stand against violence not once-a-year, but every day. Imagine how many more families in need we would be able to serve if we continued giving back in small and large ways throughout the year.

There are many ways you can continue to support Tri-Valley Haven and our clients throughout the year. If you missed #GivingTuesday this week, you can still make a donation to Tri-Valley Haven. Visit our website to learn how you can give back to vital shelter and support services for families in need.

If you participated in #GivingTuesday and want to keep this new tradition of generosity alive, here are some additional ways you can support Tri-Valley Haven and all those we serve in the upcoming year:

  • Support local families through our Holiday Program. We are still accepting new toys, unopened wrapping paper and Safeway Gift Cards for local families in need through December 9th. Items can be dropped off Monday and Tuesday, December 8th and 9th from 10 am – 4 pm at our Holiday Program: Asbury Church, 4743 East Avenue in Livermore. You can view our Holiday Wish List here.
  • Attend our special community events. Tri-Valley Haven hosts several special events throughout the year and you’re invited to join us! Attend our events during Sexual Assault Awareness Month in April and Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October. Sign up for our annual Pace for Peace walk/run in October. Browse our annual Holiday Craft Fair in November.
  • Organize a collection drive. We are often in-need of items (such as personal hygiene products, cleaning products and gift cards) for clients staying in our domestic violence and homeless shelters. To learn about our most recent supply needs, contact our front office at 925.449.5845.
  • Volunteer to make a difference. We have many volunteer opportunities for adults and teens. Volunteer at our special events, food pantry, and thrift store – or even go through our 65-hour training course to become an advocate who works directly with the families we help!
  • Stay connected. Sign up for our e-newsletter by emailing Carolyn@trivalleyhaven.org. Follow our social media pages on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to learn about Haven happenings and upcoming opportunities to give back to the Tri-Valley community.

We are humbled by the support we received for #GivingTuesday. Here at Tri-Valley Haven, we will continue to give back to survivors and families in need year-round.

Thank you for joining us!

Support Tri-Valley Haven on #GivingTuesday

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As you eat delicious home-cooked food and give thanks with your loved ones on Thanksgiving, Tri-Valley Haven will be answering our 24-hour toll-free crisis line. Families will celebrate the holiday in our domestic violence and homeless shelters. Our staff and volunteers will provide vital shelter and support services to families in need.

Tri-Valley Haven (TVH) offers advocacy for survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault and homelessness year-round. Tri-Valley Haven is often the one safe place they can turn for support. Sadly, there are too many families who are experiencing violence during the holiday season.

Turkey DinnerThroughout the year, we encourage our wonderful, local community to envision a world without violence. Our staff organizes events to spread awareness, such as Candlelight Marches for Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October and Sexual Assault Awareness Month in April, our Clothesline Project in April, and Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month in February. We also collaborate with other local agencies that are also committed to building a world without violence.

Tri-Valley Haven raises awareness in the local middle schools and high schools, and our staff talks to our youth about healthy relationships and dating violence throughout the school year. Many of the students we speak with have witnessed abuse – in their lives, on their campus, through the media – but they’ve never had the opportunity to discuss what healthy relationships look like or what strategies to employ to stay safe. We practice these strategies with Livermore, Pleasanton, and Dublin youth and our surveys show that over 90% of the students learn tools to prevent bullying and dating abuse. We believe building a world without violence includes stopping violence before it begins.

In these difficult economic times, we are facing the double challenge of trying to meet a larger-than-ever demand for our services, at the same time that funding sources are dwindling. Recently we lost all federal and state funding for our youth education programs due to a cut in California funding. Yet teachers continue to request our presence in local middle schools and high schools, because our classes work. Our holiday program has signed up 1,000 more individuals than it did last year, but the funding for this program has gone down.

GT-STD-Web-Banner_250x250As a non-profit organization, we would not be able to provide these services without your generous support. We are so grateful for our Tri-Valley community. Your generosity has kept our doors open, kept our crisis line operating and given thousands upon thousands of families a safe place to go. Your donations have been critical through the years, but now more than ever we need your support.

Next Tuesday, December 2nd, 2014 is #Giving Tuesday. After giving thanks on Thanksgiving and getting deals on Black Friday, this is the opportunity to begin a new tradition of giving!

Tri-Valley Haven asks you to envision a world without violence – and consider giving back on #GivingTuesday, December 2nd, next week. Together we will build a more peaceful society – one person, one family, one community at a time.

Visit our website at www.trivalleyhaven.org to donate.

Thank you!

 

Tri-Valley Haven Takes A Stand Against Sexual Assault in Detention

Every year, at least 216,600 people are sexually abused in jails, prisons and other detention facilities in the U.S. To put that number in perspective, that’s about a quarter of the population of San Francisco. No one ever deserves to be sexually assaulted and sexual abuse is never an appropriate punishment, no matter what the crime.

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Tri-Valley Haven staff provides support services to incarcerated survivors in Santa Rita Jail and FCI-Dublin.

Thanks to the Prison Rape Elimination Act (PREA), correctional facilities are now required to offer survivors the opportunity to meet with rape crisis counselors who are able to provide crisis intervention and emotional support after an assault. PREA also provides strong protections for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender inmates, bans routine pat-down searches of female adult inmates by male staff and places strict limitations on the housing of youth in adult facilities. This landmark law aims to stop prison rape and protect disadvantaged populations, such as LGBTQ people and minors, who are often more vulnerable to abuse in correctional facilities than other inmates.

Tri-Valley Haven is dedicated to supporting all survivors, whether they are in our local community or they are in detention. For over a year, Tri-Valley Haven has been providing crisis counseling and advocacy services to incarcerated survivors of sexual assault at Santa Rita Jail and the Federal Correctional Institution in Dublin. Together, these institutions hold close to 5,000 inmates at any given time.

Our professional staff has collaborated with these facilities to ensure inmates have access to our toll-free crisis line and sexual assault survivors in detention are able to see rape crisis counselors. Though we have seen both an increase in call volume on our crisis line and an increase in requests for advocates since we started offering services for incarcerated survivors, we receive no additional funding to provide these services.

Does advocacy for survivors in detention look different than advocacy for other survivors we see?

While there are differences in the resources available to incarcerated survivors and in the reporting process within correctional facilities, our role as crisis rape counselors and advocates remains the same. We are there to believe survivors when they disclose, provide information about their options, and support them through their healing process. We are never there to investigate the sexual assault or judge the survivor. Instead we are there to support the survivor – whoever they are, whatever their story – and provide them with resources.

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“How About Now?” is a visual campaign from Just Detention International, a nonprofit dedicated to connecting incarcerated survivors with advocacy resources.

If survivors in Santa Rita Jail or FCI-Dublin want to report a sexual assault, our rape crisis counselors can help them navigate the reporting process. If survivors do not want to report, we continue to support them through their healing process in other ways. Often survivors in detention do not think anyone will care about what’s happened to them. Having access to our crisis line and the opportunity to speak with a compassionate advocate who believes them makes a world of difference for a survivor in detention.

When survivors are believed, they are more likely to reach out for additional support services and begin their healing process. For incarcerated survivors, this means reaching out to further support resources once they leave detention. Since we have begun providing services in Santa Rita Jail and FCI-Dublin, we have seen formerly incarcerated survivors call and come to Tri-Valley Haven for assistance after they’ve been release.

How can you take a stand against sexual assault in detention?

Along with correctional officers at Santa Rita Jail and Federal Correctional Institution in Dublin, Tri-Valley Haven is taking a stand to end prisoner rape. But how can you take a stand?

  • Believe all survivors. No one, including survivors in detention, deserves to be sexually assaulted. Rape is never an appropriate punishment, no matter what the crime. If an inmate or former inmate discloses that they were sexually assaulted in detention, believe them and let them know there are resources available for them.
  • Support Tri-Valley Haven. We have experienced a large increase in calls since we started providing services to inmates at Santa Rita Jail and FCI-Dublin. Tri-Valley Haven receives no additional funding for providing crisis counseling services to incarcerated survivors of sexual assault. Donations by our supporters are urgently needed and always gratefully accepted.

 


3a92488 Jessie is a Sexual Assault Advocate on staff at Tri-Valley Haven. She provides advocacy services to survivors in our local community, as well as survivors in detention. She hopes that you will also take a stand against prisoner rape.

Speaking with Survivors of Domestic Violence: “Have You Experienced Any Kind Of Sexual Assault?”

Stephanie for blog

A guest post by Stephanie, our Legal Services Advocate at Tri-Valley Haven

Stephanie is our Legal Services Advocate at Tri-Valley Haven. Twice a week, she runs our drop-in Restraining Order Clinic. Below Stephanie shares her experience with asking survivors of domestic violence if they’ve ever experienced sexual assault.


“Have you experienced any kind of sexual assault?”

It is one of many standard questions that we ask during the intake process at our Domestic Violence Restraining Order Clinic. I never know what the answer will be. Some women answer very clearly “no.” A few will answer clearly “yes.” Others may hesitate a bit before denying that sexual assault has anything to do with the domestic abuse that brought them into the clinic seeking protection. And yet as I talk to them and find out more about their story, it sometimes becomes clear that they have indeed been sexually assaulted at the hands of their intimate partner or spouse.

Rene* came in our clinic to seek a restraining order from her abusive husband. They had been married for many years but she was tired of the abuse and ready to end the marriage. Though she had initially answered “no” when I asked her if she had experienced sexual assault, it became clear as she told her story that indeed sexual assault had been a regular occurrence.

Marital or intimate partner rape is any unwanted intercourse or penetration obtained by force, threat of force, or when the spouse/partner is unable to consent. Rene, like many people, did not associate sexual assault with marriage, which is no surprise since historically sexual assault in marriage was not considered a crime. But today marital rape is a crime in all 50 states.

Still it can be hard for survivors in intimate relationships with an abuser to recognize when they have been victims of sexual assault. Rene is a perfect example.

Rene’s husband would often make sexual advances that she felt powerless to refuse because she knew that if she did, he would become violent as he had done many times in the past.  Thus she had sex with her husband even though she did not want to because she faced the threat of violent physical abuse if she didn’t. This kind of choice is no choice at all. Rene’s husband raped her, plain and simple.

Other examples of intimate partner rape include (but are not limited to):

  • Forcing sex with a spouse or partner who is asleep, intoxicated, drugged or unconscious
  • Sex when the spouse or partner feels or has been threatened with violence or harm if they refuse
  • Forcing sex by emotional manipulation, such as verbal abuse, threatening divorce, to harm or take the children, or to “get it from some else”
  • Any time the spouse or partner feels they have no other choice but to submit to sex. The absence of choice is quite simply the absence of consent.

Some may think that this type of sexual violence is not “as bad” as being raped by a stranger. But in fact, the trauma can be worse for victims because the abuse is likely to happen repeatedly. Many times survivors of domestic violence feel trapped in the relationship and face pressure from their community to persevere. Further aggravating the trauma that survivors feel is the profound sense of betrayal from someone they should be able to trust with their safety and well-being. Children from the relationship are also adversely affected by witnessing the abuse and its impact on their parent.

If you or someone you know is experiencing this kind of intimate partner violence, there is help available! Call our hotline at 1-800-884-8119 for crisis counseling, information and referrals. For more information about our bi-weekly Restraining Order Clinic, call (925) 449-5847 x 206.

*Names have been changed.

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